Green Means Go, Red Means Ask: Rethinking Capacity in a Culture That Rewards Overload

I’ve been thinking about asking for help a lot lately.  From my own “load your boat” moment to a recent talk I was asked to give to a conference of respiratory therapists (who, by the way, know a thing or two about being overworked and under-supported), I feel like the universe has been presenting me with frequent opportunities (demands?) to learn about the topic. So many of us trained to be fiercely independent, to muscle through, to be the one who can be counted on. And yet, we rarely let anyone think we need help.

But here’s the truth: asking for help isn’t a weakness. It’s a leadership skill. It’s a survival tactic. It’s a form of self-respect.

Whether you’re managing a vented baby horrible compliance or holding together your entire household after a prolonged stretch of shifts, the question remains the same: how do you know when to ask for help, and how do you do it in a way that doesn’t feel like defeat?

Let’s talk capacity

One of the tools I shared in my recent talk was a green-yellow-red model of personal capacity.

* Green light: You’re good. You’re steady, in control, and available to support others.

* Yellow light: You’re wobbling a bit. You can manage, but it’s tenuous.

* Red light: You’re maxed. Something’s gotta give.

You don’t need to be in a full-blown crisis to ask for help. If you’re yellow, that’s your cue. And if you’re red? Please don’t wait another minute.

Why asking for help helps you, too

Research in social neuroscience shows that helping others boosts our own sense of meaning, resilience, and well-being. But here's the kicker: letting others help us does the same. There's something fundamentally regulating and healing about human connection—about being seen, held, and supported.

Even if your nervous system screams, "I’m supposed to be the strong one," know this: giving others the opportunity to help you is a gift, not a burden. It strengthens relationships, models authenticity and vulnerability, and sets the standard for a culture of mutual care.  

But what if it makes me feel...guilty?

Of course it does. That’s your medical training whispering in your ear. That’s internalized overachievement. That’s a lifetime of praise for being the one who “just gets it all done.”

And it’s not serving you anymore.

You don’t need to earn your rest.

You don’t need to be on fire to deserve water.

You don’t need to collapse before someone brings you a chair.

Start small

* Text a friend: “Hey, can I just call you to vent after my shift today?”

* Tell your partner: “I need 20 minutes alone after work before I can switch roles.”

* Ask a colleague: “Can you troubleshoot this kid’s hemodynamics while I step away for a breather?”

It’s not weakness. It’s wisdom.

And if you’re green today? Check in on someone who might be yellow or red. Because the culture of asking for help starts when *we make it safe for others to do the same.*

Call to Action:

This week, ask for help once. Just once. Let someone carry the clipboard, listen to the rant, make dinner, review the slides, offer a hug. You deserve the same care you so freely give.
If you're not sure what your own red light looks like anymore, let’s talk. Email me at jessie@burningbrightmd.com to chat or schedule a free consult. You don’t have to do this alone.